As of right now, I am beginning to feel happier than ever.

At the start of this year, I pledged to myself that this was going to be my year. I was going to say yes to new opportunities, meet new people, try new things and most of all...be happy. For the last few years, i haven't felt 100% happy. I'm not sure why, but i've just felt as though theres a part of my happiness that's just missing...like a missing piece of a puzzle. I won't say i've been suffering with depression (because I am quite sure I am not suffering that bad), but I defiantly haven't felt like my usual, happy self these days. I've been having day's that feel like the dump, and others which are better, and the occasional day where I feel like nothing can stop me. Is this weird? Is it only me? Who knows.

What I do know is that this year has defiantly been an improvement. In the summer, I felt really sad, alone, my self esteem was so low and my anxiety/panic attacks were out of control. It was horrible. I didn't think I had a proper grip on my life. That was when I promised to myself to actually take control of my thoughts. I started by saying yes to new things. This got me out of the house, meeting new people and discovering things I actually enjoy. This was all about self discovery, and I now know what I enjoy and I'm beginning to discover who I am as a person. I'm not quite there yet...but I'm taking baby steps in this. However, A few months ago I felt almost at my utter worst. I had no motivation to do anything, I had absolutely no self esteem and I hated myself for no reason. One of the biggest hurdles I had during this time my anxiety levels were out the roof. I was having small panic attacks almost everyday for a while because I was too scared of what I had said yes to. But it was all worth it. My anxiety was gone down quite over the last 3 months. I still get very anxious but I've learnt how to control these fears and keep my panic to a bare minimum. Which is fantastic! I'm not sure if it is just today, but I just feel so happy. I really hope it's not just today...i mean, I can only go up from here.

I've just written down this jumble from my brain down (which probably makes no sense) just because, I don't want to sound cliché, but I hope that this does genuinely help someone, I mean, even just writing down my thoughts has helped me out immensely. I just want you to know it does get better. It all takes time. Thanks for letting me use this blog as an outlet for my brain.

Love you all xx